Being on Youtube - the good, the bad, the ok
So, if you've subscribed to my Youtube channel long enough, you know that I've been on Youtube on-and-off for almost 3 years (if you still haven't, why don't you go do it now :P). I took some time off Youtube due to personal reasons: moving to Finland, going back to be a full-time student, working on improving myself, and well, falling in love. The last part wasn't actually the reason I took some time off Youtube, I just thought it sounded nice. Now I'm not only back on Youtube but also developing the platform, the community and that's the result of Cin City website (which is the one you're reading now).
What I want to talk about today is what I've learned from that journey. It surely isn't that long and yet there are still many things I want to give you a glimpse of this roller coaster ride. Why do I say that? Because the highs and lows are real and trying to balance everything out is key.
I HATE SEEING MYSELF
Every person is the biggest critic of his/her own. I even criticize myself much hasher than you know of. "But Cindy, you look so confident." Yes it's true but even the most seem-to-be-perfect person in the universe has insecurity so I, by all mean, am not exceptional. Imagine it's just a bad day and you wake up hating some specific thing on your face, what's the simplest way to avoid it? Stop looking into the mirror or just layer on some filters on Snapchat & Instagram, problem solved.
Well, I won't even have the luxury to do that if my bad day is on the same day that I have to film, and then have to sit in front of wide screens to edit and watch my criticized self for hours.
Take the story of the opening of my Stockholm Vlog video: I did not sleep at all the night before flying early to Stockholm. I ended up with super bloated and tired face. I didn't want to slap on makeup either because I truly felt physically horrible. The result was that during the hours of editing that vlog, I was debating to just cut EVERYTHING out but I couldn't because it was a valuable shot for information. I wanna deliver the best information to you guys from my travel videos so in the end I decided to keep it. You know why? Because after 2 years, I learned to just accept it.
I have to accept that I don’t always look like this (pointing upward) and I must not let it interfere and harm my work flow. I still remember back in the day, I used to cut so many footages out just because "I have double chin in there" or "my face looks like a pancake". Now I feel so sorry for trying to create something so "perfect" yet not real. I never ever want any younger girl/boy to think that there's something wrong with them because they don't look good all the time and they have to try to be perfect at all costs.
No one is perfect but we can always embrace our imperfect perfection. Now I'm 26 and let me tell you one thing: looks aren't everything.
It's cliche but it's true.
Oh boy, it's getting better & better, isn't it?
I've been trying so hard to not be sucked in the deep, black hole of comparison because it is scary once you put yourself up there on Youtube or social medias. You're going to see 10000000x1000000 of other beautiful girls and feel like a...flip flop??? Especially when you're having a break down in real life, seeing everyone happy is toxic, trust me. Comparison comes in all shapes and sizes. I'm never jealous of someone's success or what they have and then hate on them because it's childish and doing that doesn't make my life any better. However, the black hole I'm talking about is how I can just easily be knocked down by the idea of being not good enough. The best for me to get out of it every time I feel the coming is to focus on being me and taking a better look at my life again. Sure I'm trying to build something online and I love every moment I got some comment saying I motivate or inspire someone. However, my real life is always the real one and building it is more crucial to me.
Spend more time for your family, and never take any loved ones for granted - this has led me the way.
BEING AN INFLUENCER
The name already tells what it means. To be honest, I've seen tons of people entering this industry nowadays just because their intention is laid on how glamorous this path could be (& that's not even true, if you're doing it right.). My intention has never changed. I'm here because I want to create something valuable between us: connection, interaction, knowledge sharing, relaxation, motivating each other.
There comes the responsibility. Due to having some influence on other people, especially young people, I always feel it's my job to not mislead someone into something negative. So much that I forgot I'm not here to neither lead or mislead anyone. I'm just here to share what I believe in and love doing. I'm trying my best to be the most positive I could but I'm not going to watch every word coming out of my mouth just because there's a risk of offending someone. People will be offended by anything anyway.
Once, there was a hater commenting something extremely rude to me on Youtube and when I snapped back, someone told me to just delete it because it would "ruin my image". What is this "image" supposed to mean? If it means I can't stand up for myself then it also means I'm only a fraud who's trying to deliver some fake ass personality and content to you guys.
And I'm not here for it. I'm constantly trying to improve myself but as a human being I can never be perfect. And you're not here to watch someone become perfect. You're here as my friends, my other family. We are going to grow together and yes I will take responsibility for all of my content and that's why I must always stay true.
This journey has been rough and it wouldnt get any smoother but it will be bigger. Thank you for letting me be a part of your daily routine. That you get up in the morning and spend time on my posts and videos. I don't know if any of you is patient enough to get to the end of this rant but I just want to send you with my biggest and dearest thank you. Sometimes I got so upset and down because of some hating criticism but then I never let myself take your support and love for me for granted. Only because of it did I get my shit together and back on this road. So we can drive together on this who-knows-where-the-destination-is trip.